jamriot 2024-07-01 18:54:50

Good work! Using glassmaking as a stand-in for conversations that tend to have a lot of turmoil is a fun and interesting way to separate readers from any emotions behind real issues, though I do wish that you spent more time on the consequences of the media team's involvement after it was uncovered and how this might have impacted the conversation in Clearview. Well done and thanks for participating!

Intrapath 2024-07-11 09:27:27

I didn't totally agree on the messaging, but you did a good job of making your stance very clear. I felt like the goal was to paint a pretty straightforward "the media pits both sides against each other" story, and you spent a good deal of time painting both sides as having valid perspectives. It was a little undetermined in the line "made worse by the wokes' proposal"; it would be like if someone was writing a similar story and used the line "MAGAts" for the traditional glass makers (not that Trump has anything to do with the story, but I hope the point comes across). At the end of the day though, it was just one word in a whole story that was mindful of showing that glass makers from different backgrounds don't need to be enemies, just something that caught my eye.

Regarding the story itself, it felt like it ended right at the climax. The implication I got from the last line was that nothing ended up changing despite both sides finding out who actually broke the chapel glass (which makes sense in the context of the story), but it would've been cool to see Evelyn's reaction to that moment.

But all in all, using the glass colors as a metaphor was a really cool idea. I was drawn in the whole time, and I was just as eager as Evelyn to find out who the culprit was after watching her follow the trail. On top of all that, it was interesting to see the story written in a very straightforward way with the occasional descriptive imagery (I loved the line "shards of stained glass glinted in the early sunlight, scattered like fallen leaves across the chapel floor."), with many similarities to the way a reporter would write. Good stuff!